catheroominations

The other day, I needed to know something. And I needed to know the answer RIGHT NOW. I hate to admit this, but I did a Google search to find the answer to this question:

“What is Kenny G’s last name?”

Turns out his last name is GodawfulbadhairhavingsaxplayerwhosellsrecordstowhomIdonotknowbecausehismusicsucksass.

Or, it might be Gorelick.

But his music still sucks.

And I realized I didn’t post yet today. Dagnabit, NaBloPoMoFo.

I can only muster the brain power for a bulleted list:

• I didn’t vote today. Don’t yell at me. San Jose had no elections on this, the first Tuesday of November.
• I did my second workout with Team in Training tonight and holy jeebus, it was hard work. The running, the planks, the pushups. And then there was pizza and beer, which I passed on because I had stuff to do at home. Sure, I miss the fun part!
• There are too many people on Silicon Valley freeways. Hey! Another reason I’m not having kids.
• A guy at work was jotting down tasks on my whiteboard. I thought they were notes for him. The first one was a little over the top, and was followed by “(HA)” like that, as if it were in jest. But it was not a joke, and it was a task meant for me, and I am to work with Ha on this task. Note: Must learn the names of my new coworkers.
• For some reason I am seriously thinking that Stephen Colbert is HOT. Not geeky-hot. Just HOT.
• You should read Into the Wild. It might make you want to go to Alaska. But you’ll want to stay in hotels and resorts and shit. Oh, and you’ll want GPS.
• You should not read Divisadero. But if you are a glutton for punishment and feel like reading incomprehensible cacka, I will send you my copy.
• I just noticed my socks don’t match. I’m wearing one Nordstrom Running sock, and one Nordstrom Walking sock. No wonder my workout was so hard.

5.6 on the Richter scale. Damn thing almost broke our wine glasses!

It was one of those that you hear before you feel, and it lasted a long time. 10 seconds. It started, and seemed to let up and then got strong again. It didn’t feel like a rolling, more like a jerking, like when someone with too fat an ass bumps your chair while you are enjoying your meal in a fine dining establishment.

My sister called from San Francisco (although the epicenter was closer to San Jose) and said (and I quote) “holy f#%k!” She was watching one of her Oakland A’s bobbleheads bobble it’s head off during the quake.

I’ve been through earthquakes before, many times, including the one in 1989 which struck on October 17th…a TUESDAY! In OCTOBER! Coincidence? I don’t think so! AND? AND!!! It happened during the World Series which WOULD have been on tonight at the time of the quake if the Red Sox hadn’t swept it in 4. OOOh! Also, during the 1989 quake? I was sitting on the couch! Watching TV! I am telling you…NOT a coincidence! (Insert Twilight Zone music.)

Below is photographic evidence of the destruction in our apartment:

These guys fell down. Although, it looks like that one dude knocked down the purple lady. Perfect opportunity to steal her purse.

This green man got so scared, he passed out and fell off the shelf. Sadly, he didn’t land feet-first.

This angel was on the top shelf, and fell to the bottom. She is one of a set of 2 called “Sisters”. The two figures’ hands clasp together.

One angel is on the top shelf, but her companion is on the bottom shelf. I don’t know how she flew off one shelf then flew back into the bookcase. Probably being an angel had something to do with it.

No cupcake is safe.

Credits: Feisty pocket Ninja from thinkgeek.com. Flippin’ cute cupcake made by the fabulous anapaulaoli at etsy.com.

Today in my continuous quest to change my last name, I took a trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles. And I learned my lesson the last time, when I went to the Social Security Administration Office to get my new card. This time, I had an appointment before I showed up at the office.

And the appointment? It worked like a charm. Fifteen minutes, in and out. Awesome. I even got to take a new picture for my license so I won’t look like I’m 18 anymore.

I had a weird thought though, when the clerk had me press my thumb into the scanner to check my fingerprint. The machine needed a few tries to scan the tiny lines on my thumb. For just an instant, I thought, “Oh, she’s going to tell me my thumbprint doesn’t match the one on file for me. Like someone stole my identity, and my one-of-a-kind thumbprint. I imagined her saying I’m sorry, you’re not Catheroo. I can’t process your license for you.” But then, just like that, it recognized me.

Whew. That was close.

“I know! I was like all, ‘I dunno!’
And you were like all ‘I dunno!’
And I was like all, ‘Wull…shit! I don’t eeeven know! Ohmigod!'”

Today I entered a radio contest online. After I submitted my entry, I was taken to a page that said, “Good luck, Foghead.” But for some reason, my eyes crossed and went all freaky and what I read said “Good, F*ckhead.”

This morning, in a parking lot I saw a guy walking into Starbucks, wearing a too-snug shirt that said “An awkward morning beats a boring night.” He should consider who he is walking with in the morning while wearing that shirt. Because, judging by the mustachioed man he was walking with, I beg to differ. You know how I feel about those things.

I received my first blog toast today. Kathy (we need to talk about how you misspell your name) clinked bottles with me. At 11 am this morning. She was drinking a beer and then going to sleep, like I did last night. But IN THE MORNING. What I didn’t realize is she had just gotten home from her night shift as an oncology nurse. Bless you, Kathy. Despite spelling your name wrong (wink) I have tremendous respect for you and the work you do. If I met you, I would probably want to hug you for all you do. And you would think I was a lunatic, because, “Hello! I just met you, get off me, please!” So, let me just say “Thank you, Nurse Kathy.” (And cheers to you!)

*Yes, I know that is incorrect English. I could care less.**
**That is also incorrect English. The proper way to show apathy is to say “I couldn’t care less” or “I could not care less,” which implies that you care as little as possible about it. As in, you could not care less than you already do. “I could care less” means, well, that you are capable of caring less about it than you do so maybe you do give a little bit of a crap about whatever it is.***
And oh yeah, the word irregardless is stupid. It means regardless, so just let’s all just say regardless, mmkay?
This concludes your grammar lesson for the day.