catheroominations

February 10, 2009

One little cookie won’t hurt, right?

Here’s the deal. I had a food emergency. I was hungry starving. I didn’t have my usual veggies or fruits to nibble on, so I figured I’d just have a cookie. Only one. But it was this one:
oreo4

Do you think it’ll do any damage at my weigh-in? I hope not!

*I didn’t take this photo, nor did I make the cookie. See more about it here.

Grace in Small Things Part 16 of 365

1. My company is cutting costs which will have an impact on my paycheck. This may seem like Not a Good Thing, but if it helps keep my job, sign me up.
2. getting chosen for the KFOG Listener Panel and leaving with free music (3 CDs!) as a thank you
3. leftovers for lunch
4. BART. No way am I driving 2 hours in traffic to get to the City
5. scratching another photo off the Flat Stanley list. Thanks, Big Rick Stuart!

February 9, 2009

Grace in Small Things Part 15 of 365

It’s Monday. I am finding it difficult to think of five small things today, but here goes:

1. snow on the foothills
2. my spaceheater blowing at my cold feet in my office
3. putting the CTU ringtone on my Blackberry (Yes, I have a Blackberry. And and iPhone. The Blackberry is for work, but I am loyal to my iPhone.)
4. the newest issue of Real Simple in my mailbox
5. I don’t work for, or in the vicinity of Christian Bale.

February 8, 2009

Grace in Small Things Part 14 of 365

1. this quote. It works for my weight loss journey, for too many things on my todo list, for stress, anything.
2. sleeping in
3. my newly-cleared bathroom drain
4. looking at paint for our bedroom
5. kitty yawns

February 7, 2009

Grace in Small Things Part 13 of 365

1. Lunch with a friend, and about 30 minutes before meeting her at the restaurant, I told Matte, “I’ll bet she wants to meet us for lunch to tell us she’s moving to LA.” Guess what. She’s moving to LA. Sad as I am to see her go (very), she’s following her dream, so I’m happy for her.
2. Matte and I both have new tires on our cars, so now my mom will stop asking both of us, “Have you gotten new tires yet?”
3. Three backlogged episodes of Grey’s Anatomy on TiVo. I can finally stop being annoyed with the Denny/Izzy storyline.
4. Learning how to type French characters on my Mac
5. Whole Foods 365 Organic Buttermilk Pancake Mix. With blueberries, it’s simply decadent.

Hey, remember that 15-pound weight loss I had before Christmas?

Well, I have an update for you. As of today I have lost…drumroll please…SIXTEEN pounds. Yeah. You read that right. I have lost ONE measly pound since before Christmas. I have stumbled and fallen, I have gotten back up, only to fall again. I have gained and lost and gained again and lost again. There was Christmas, birthday parties, lunches out (read: beer) with friends, a potluck birthday breakfast, Jon Hamm(!) at Cobb’s Comedy Club last Friday (read: beer), and the Super Bowl (both beer and wine this time). If I could just avoid leaving the house and socializing with people altogether, I would be at my goal weight by now. But I’m not interested in becoming a hermit, and I like my friends, so I jump right into temptation and sabotage by some, with both feet and enjoy the food that comes with Getting Together. Sometimes there are healthy options. Usually there are not, but I try, I really do. Deprivation only leads to failure, so I do enjoy some of my favorites every now and then, in moderation. But when there is a buffet of Louisiana-inspired cuisine, whatsagirltodo? White Chocolate Bread Pudding with a sinful sauce made from sweet and condensed milk? Get OUT! Like I could say no to that! And when the woman who baked it asked if I wanted a second helping a couple of hours after she witnessed me orgasmically enjoying my first, well, I couldn’t insult her by saying no. How rude is that? I’m nothing if not polite. So yeah, I had a second helping. And it was GOOD.

That was last Sunday, and for the five days since, I have made a conscious effort to make healthier choices. I have eaten pounds of raw vegetables and fruits (which I have learned to love), focused on lean proteins (except for a small pile of tri tip on my salad Wednesday night at Pluto’s), opted for natural foods, and stayed away from processed crap that’s filled with sodium. Because of this, I lost a pound this week. That’s one more than last week. Last week, I stayed exactly the same to the tenth of a pound. Consistency I can do.

I’m proud of the one-pound loss this week, and I know the process is slow. It has to be in order to work. With the temporary bouts of falling off the wagon, I can’t expect to lose more and so I don’t beat myself up. I’m lucky I haven’t gained more than I have when a + shows up instead of a minus next to my progress.

So here I hover around 135 pounds. There. I said it. I weigh 135 pounds. I’m 5’1 and 135 is not even within my weight range. My BMI states that I’m overweight, and I still look like I am. My mii on the Wii Fit gets wider as the Fit board weighs me. But in real life, I know I look much better now than I do in this photo that a friend posted on Facebook this week.

wideload

Good gracious and holy shit! I am working the 1% lycra in those jeans to its maximum. I don’t think Lucky Brand Dungarees has QA testing equipment as fierce as my ass and thighs right there. Why did no one tell me I looked like that? Of course, what would they say? “Catheroo, you’ve let yourself go,” like one of my college friends once said to me? Or they could mask it by saying, “Yeah, my mom asked if you’ve gained weight,” like my college boyfriend told me once. How do you tell someone that they’re not taking good care of themselves? Besides, when that photo was taken I knew I wasn’t eating healthy. I was taking up more space than I wanted to. I felt rotund, and tired, and depressed. Don’t let the smile fool you. I was in severe self-hate mode then. But that was then. And today that is my BEFORE photo. It’s the only real “good” one I have electronically that conveys why I started this journey in the first place. I hate having my picture taken and this is a perfect example of why I’d rather be behind the camera than in front of it. Hopefully that will change and I won’t hate photos of myself.

In that photo, I weighed over 150 pounds. Again, I am 5’1″ tall. At my height I should weigh between 103 (Hahahaha! That’s hilarious!) and 127. I like myself somewhere in between, but now that I’m 40, I’m sure my body cannot get to where it once was. And that’s fine. I don’t know how much more I want to lose, but I’ll know when I get close. I don’t need to be a size zero, or resort to shopping in the kids department at Macy’s. I have realistic goals that do not include looking like a lollipop. But one thing is clear. I have come a long way since that photo on Easter, and don’t intend to go back to that place.

February 6, 2009

Grace in Small Things Part 12 of 365

1. seeing a rainbow on my commute this morning
2. finally, (FINALLY!) finishing a knitting project I started in December
3. getting 100% on my second Photoshop assignment
4. my iPod playing Such Great Heights by The Postal Service, then shuffling to a song I skipped, and then playing Iron and Wine’s version of Such Great Heights
5. the weekend is here!

P.S. I realize I should probably write a post about something other than 5 small things. I have a few posts in my head, including a meme from the fabulous Sizzle. Now that the knitting is done, I can use my hands for typing.

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