catheroominations

Seen in the front yard of a house on Main St., Napa, California.

5.6 on the Richter scale. Damn thing almost broke our wine glasses!

It was one of those that you hear before you feel, and it lasted a long time. 10 seconds. It started, and seemed to let up and then got strong again. It didn’t feel like a rolling, more like a jerking, like when someone with too fat an ass bumps your chair while you are enjoying your meal in a fine dining establishment.

My sister called from San Francisco (although the epicenter was closer to San Jose) and said (and I quote) “holy f#%k!” She was watching one of her Oakland A’s bobbleheads bobble it’s head off during the quake.

I’ve been through earthquakes before, many times, including the one in 1989 which struck on October 17th…a TUESDAY! In OCTOBER! Coincidence? I don’t think so! AND? AND!!! It happened during the World Series which WOULD have been on tonight at the time of the quake if the Red Sox hadn’t swept it in 4. OOOh! Also, during the 1989 quake? I was sitting on the couch! Watching TV! I am telling you…NOT a coincidence! (Insert Twilight Zone music.)

Below is photographic evidence of the destruction in our apartment:

These guys fell down. Although, it looks like that one dude knocked down the purple lady. Perfect opportunity to steal her purse.

This green man got so scared, he passed out and fell off the shelf. Sadly, he didn’t land feet-first.

This angel was on the top shelf, and fell to the bottom. She is one of a set of 2 called “Sisters”. The two figures’ hands clasp together.

One angel is on the top shelf, but her companion is on the bottom shelf. I don’t know how she flew off one shelf then flew back into the bookcase. Probably being an angel had something to do with it.

10. I am lazy. Much too lazy to get out of bed at 2 am to feed someone.
9. I am selfish. Much too selfish to allow my sleep to be interrupted at 2 am to feed someone.
8. I believe eating a bowl of cereal for dinner is perfectly fine. Every night. Especially if the box has a toucan, rabbit, naval captain, or tiger on the box.
7. I think TV is awesome. And necessary. And there’s no such thing as too much of it. And my child would learn that.
6. Any child I brought into the world would not be pushed to participate in sports, and would therefore be chubby, ridiculed, and eventually fat and lazy when they grew up. And they would cry a lot about that. Even when they’re in their 30s.
5. That tantrum, screaming, and talking back stuff? Not for me.
4. Daphne would hate a baby. Also, she might try to eat it.
3. A product of my and Matte’s love would be much too stunning to look at and would make the other children feel inferior and ordinary.
2. We want to be the cool aunt and uncle who spoil the nephews because we have piles of cash and no one to spend it on.
1. Global warming.

Now, I need to put this on a t-shirt, because some people think that JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT MARRIED you want to have babies. And some of those people are annoyed when you sheepishly say “Oh, I don’t think we’ll have any,” as if it is written down somewhere that we were put on this earth to procreate or something! (Oh, it does say that somewhere? Ooops.)

When people say “just wait until you have kids,” it makes me want to say “OK!”, stop whatever it is I’m doing at the time, and stand perfectly still like a statue. Waiting forever. Because that is how long I would be waiting until I have kids. Sure, most of my friends who are married do have children and I am happy for them. Because that is what they want and my friends have adorable kids, of course, because <sarcasm> I am not friends with ugly people</sarcasm>. It’s about freedom and choice and what is best for the individual. People who want to have kids, do. People who don’t? Don’t. But sometimes they do, and their hearts melt once they see that sweet little face for the first time. I know this. I know I am missing out on the parenthood experience, but I don’t know what I am missing (because it is missing, see?). And I am OK with that.

*Double income, no kids.

One of the myriad of photos I took with Stacy on Sunday. Half of what I took turned out pretty good, and half of those were taken while tipsy, and therefore are a bit out of focus. Why can’t my camera correct for inebriation?

See that new header up there? It was born of that Photowalk Photostumble as well.

The aroma is filled with the scent of ripe plums and sweet toasted oak which linger on the pallet and compliment rich, hearty meals.

<sigh>

I recently changed positions at work (upgrade!) and moved into a new cubicle with a window (bigger upgrade!) but I’m still getting used to my new surroundings and my new duties. This position was sort of created for me so we’re still working out what exactly I am. So far, I like it. There is a TON to learn, which is part of why I like it, but sometimes, like today, while sitting in a meeting, I felt like the only kid at the adult’s table at Thanksgiving. There was talk of ISO such-and-such and Rev G of the blahblahblah procedure, and calibration schedules, and ay yi yi. But I am SO glad I moved away from what I was doing. I am crazy busy, but it’s the fun kind of busy, and the appreciated kind of busy.

Today, as I was restocking the bottled water I keep in my cube (because I drink like 6 bottles a day), I lifted up the door on my flippy cabinet. You know the cabinets of which I speak…the ones that look like a shelf, but they have a door that slides up and onto the top of the cabinet thing? (I’m not making much sense, so I hope you are following.) Anyway, I opened up the flippy thing, and started to put the bottles in their special spot, and apparently, I think I can stop time. Because although I don’t know jack about physics, I should realize that a door that goes up must also come down, and it will, unless you 1) roll it all the way to the top so it is lying horizontal, or 2) hold on to the door, preferably with your hand.

For a second today, I fancied myself Uri Geller, able to control an object with my mind, because as I loaded up the bottles, I let go of the door.

Gravity took over, and the door came down. And I used my face to stop it. First, the door made contact with my forehead. And then fell to the bridge of my nose, where it did a little bounce to the lower part of my nose, before I turned sideways and stopped it with my shoulder.

Why didn’t I use my hands to stop the door from smacking me, you say? Because I was reaching for water bottles that were on my desk, and I had my hands full. I mean, you didn’t want me to drop the water, did you?

My head turned a beet shade of red, and my nose was throbbing. Also, parts of my head that were not a direct hit started to hurt. I took some Motrin and watched a lump form just above my left eyebrow. At that point I really wished I had bangs because there is no hiding a splotched forehead with a bump on it. A co-worker suggested I tie a bandanna around my head for work tomorrow (like Axl Rose), or wear an 80s headband and pretend I am Olivia Newton-John in her Physical video. (Where did I put those legwarmers?)

But actually, this protrusion from my frontal lobe has an upside! It seems to have stretched the skin there so that my wrinkles have all but disappeared! It’s incredible! I have found the secret to youthful looking skin! Drop heavy objects on your crows feet, your laugh lines, your scowl marks that your grandfather always warned you would stay if you held your face “like that” for too long.

Seriously! It works! Just ask the cashier who rang me up at Trader Joe’s tonight. He thought I wasn’t old enough to buy alcohol!