catheroominations

a horse is a horse, of course, of course,
and no one can talk to a horse of course
that is, of course,
unless the horse
is one of heidi fleiss’ studs.

giddy-up! heidi fleiss is back in the saddle and is opening a brothel in nevada, catering exclusively to women. if you’re an out-of-work male prostitute reading this, you may want to apply at heidi fleiss’ stud farm. it’s a stable job that pays $250 an hour (50% of which goes to the hollywood madam) and you get to keep your tips.

oh, and jockeys ladies, the opening is planned for 2 months from now, so dig that riding crop out of storage and start saving your pennies.

I don’t remember where I got this, but according to the graphic, someone from the wrapped up like a douche blog created it.

I’ll pass, thanks. I hate mustaches.

people magazine listed ian mcshane in their sexiest man alive issue. he has a mustache. I hate mustaches. they are only sexy on tom selleck as magnum p.i. and sam elliott. oh, and burt reynolds back in the day. the key here is “back in the day.” mustaches are 70s creepy and I hate them.

I might have mentioned that I hate mustaches. mustaches and corvettes. throw a member’s only jacket on guy and stick him in a corvette and that is off the vomitrocity scales, in my book.

god, I hate mustaches.

while reading mystic medusa’s sun signs and soul mating, periodically slapping the book and blurting out “no freaking way,” in awe of the book’s accuracy, I arrived at a section called motivating and manipulating a virgo. I thought I should share this information as it could be vital to the bf’s happiness. I am of course referring to the motivating part. one item in particular, was dead-on. anyway, here’s a re-enactment.

cath: can I read you something? it’ll make your life easier.
(by the way, #8 in the list was “never miss a virgo hint. they’re subtle but nonstop.”)

bf: sure (listens with rapt attention).

cath: ok. this is one of the tips in dealing with a virgo. (reads) never mispronounce words. (stops reading). ha! that’s funny because I totally remember teaching lynette how to say crayon and mercedes when we were in elementary school.

then a.d.d. took over for a bit and we talked about commonly mispronounced words, like jag-you-are. eventually I got back to the subject of how to deal with my virgoness.

cath: ok. (reads) never mispronounce words. virgos think it’s evidence of a…a…slaw…slow…(stops reading)…uhm…shit…what’s this word? (points to book)

bf: slovenly

(laughing ensues for several minutes)

cath (crying tears of laughter): ah, right. ok. anyway (reads) never mispronounce words. virgos think it’s evidence of a slovenly and possibly substandard mind.

he likes junk in the trunk

make your own here.