what is wrong with john black on days of our lives? he almost never doesn’t look like this (I think that made grammatical sense). maybe he suffers from the tragic phenomenon my grandfather always warned me against when I’d scowl: “if you make your face like that, it’ll stay that way.”
how can marlena tell him “oh, I do love you so,” when he always looks so pissed off and grumpy?
it’s an old picture of me, with brad pitt
in honor of my bloggity-blog’s new look and new home, I thought I’d do what so many before me have done, and post 100 things about me.
1. I like crosswords
2. I need coffee every day
3. I don’t like noises above my head or behind me
4. I’m more likely to be cold than hot
5. I watch a lot of tv and I’m not ashamed to admit it
6. I want to one day go into a bookstore and find something written by me on the shelf
7. Bad spelling annoys me
8. I hate liars
9. I like boys but could not survive without my girlfriends
10. I like to drive
11. I am a cat person
12. I am a dog person
13. I like astrology, although I may not do what my horoscope says
14. I believe in fate and signs
15. I cry at sad movies, really good theatre, and songs that incite my emotions
16. I listen to the lyrics as well as the music in a song
17. I am loved by someone special
16. If there is tiramisu on the menu, I will always order it
17. Sometimes I drink sparkling water in a wine glass
18. My favorite soft drink is Fresca
19. I haven’t ridden a bike in years
20. I love pumpkin pie, pumpkin cookies, and pumpkin lattes
21. I hate brussels sprouts and lima beans
22. I hate passive aggressiveness
23. I am a virgo
24. I don’t like conflict, whether involved in it or witnessing it
25. I voted for John Kerry
26. I have lost too many friends to cancer (actually, one is too many)
27. I think the glass is half full
28. If you ask me to not smile, I probably can’t
29. I can’t stand bad table manners
30. I used to hate country and rap music but now I like both
31. Sometimes I like to just drive around with no destination in mind
32. I am relatively low-maintenance and have little patience for high maintenance people
33. I believe in more cowbell
34. I sometimes have A.D.D.
35. My parents are still married
36. I can speak some French, Spanish, Italian, and Japanese
37. I’m afraid of clowns and ventriloquist dummies
38. I love words
39. I want more time to read
40. I am a morning person
41. I sucked my thumb until I was 10
42. I’m generally happy
43. If you are sick, I will want to take care of you
44. Wind chimes soothe me
45. I like scary movies
46. I tried to run away to live with Sonny & Cher when I was little
47. I like to write song parodies
48. I wrote a fan letter to Marie Osmond when I was little and invited her to spend the night at my house
49. I am a pop culture junkie
50. I want Pillsbury to bring back Foodsticks
51. I am sometimes too self-deprecating
52. I’ve been told I look like Katie Couric and Sally Field
53. I got my driver’s license when I was 18
54. I eat raw cookie dough
55. My favorite Ben & Jerry’s flavor is Phish food
56. Thinking of Ruth’s Chris steaks makes my mouth water
57. I was 16 when I had my first kiss, in Amsterdam, with a cricket player
58. I share a birthday with Sean Connery, Regis Philbin, and Elvis Costello
59. I never had braces
60. Bad pronunciation sometimes bugs me
61. I once ate venison at Disneyland (not Bambi though)
62. My writing has been published
63. I’m witty
64. I am allergic to pecans and cashews
65. I played Tom Sawyer in my 6th grade school play
66. I can knit
67. I have never been arrested
68. I TiVo Days of Our Lives everyday
69. I wish I could sing
70. I procrastinate
71. I am a California native
72. My most embarrassing moment is one I have little recollection of because I was drunk
73. I talk to my parents almost daily
74. I laugh until I cry
75. I believe in past lives, karma, and reincarnation
76. I have never felt more serenity than when I was barefoot in 30-something degrees, visiting a Buddhist temple in Japan
77. I get cranky when I’m tired or hungry
78. I hate being cut off in traffic and will give whoever does it a dirty look
79. I missed playing an elf in my school Christmas play because of stagefright
80. I often remember obscure childhood memories
81. I believe in love at first sight
82. Everytime the opening credits to SVU run, I repeat the word ‘heinous’ to the TV
83. I am a Kentucky Wildcat basketball fan
84. I prefer Letterman over Leno and Ellen over Oprah
85. I like thunderstorms, rollercoasters, and earthquakes, but I don’t like ferris wheels
86. It took me 5 and a half years to get my degree in journalism
87. I like Britney Spears’ music
88. I can recite the entire script of 16 Candles
89. When I sneeze, I sneeze at least twice
90. I have played golf on the same course Tiger Woods did…when he was 4
91. When telling a joke, I sometimes forget a crucial detail and just before the punchline, have to go back to the beginning and start over
92. I have a dirty mind and find innuendos easily
93, I don’t like motorcycles or boxing
94. I was an Avon lady and a holiday gift wrapper at the mall
95. I have been starstruck a couple of times
96. I am a good person, I think
97. I like bubblebaths
98. There are very few people I just do not like
99. I talk to myself
100. I took the Mensa test, and did not pass (math hates me)
why did they mess with a good thing? (looking skyward and raising hands) why???
leave my fresca alone! peach citrus? vomitrocious! black cherry citrus? patooey!
hey, coca-cola, please stop spending money on making nasty fresca varieties, and instead, focus on getting my favorite beverage in more restaurants. please? right now I can only find it at the cheesecake factory. (rumor has it fudrucker’s also serves it.) 
if there’s one thing I hate, it’s when I get up in the middle of the night, unable to see in the dark, and my socked feet step in cat barf.
well, those days are over. someone has finally come up with a solution. bright feet!
shop for them here
here are a list of words and phrases that I like to use:
bee X bee – be square (ex: “be there or bee X bee”). borrowed from ken karn.
box of hair – used to describe someone stupid. borrowed from beth. (pile of rope and box of rocks also convey similar sentiments).
chabow – effed up. borrowed from krissy.
emmer effer – mother f#$%er
jahunga – super large (ex: “my ass looks jahunga in this outfit”). my sister and I made this one up.
skank whore – when skank isn’t descriptive enough, and whore doesn’t quite cover it, I use both words together.
smarmy – used to describe a gross, slimy guy who usually has a mustache and drives a corvette.
blessed screaming jesus on a whole wheat goddamn cracker – irreverent, yes, but a shockingly colorful way to say “holy sh%t”. borrowed from rescue me.
thrillogy – the retirement community where my parents live. it’s actually called trilogy, but it’s so off-the-hook exciting, I refer to it as thrillogy.
waste of skin – used to describe a useless person.
gnome
doubt
knee
island
yacht
mnemonic
arkansas
biscuit
pterodactyl
and my personal favorite…
matte
(did I just make anyone throw up a little in their mouth?)