good to know
if you ever run into a ravenous bugblatter beast of traal, just wrap a towel around your head. the beast is so dimwitted, it thinks that if you can’t see it, then it can’t see you.
for more information, click here
(e) is so helpful!
September 20, 2005
September 19, 2005
reason #54 why I love arrested development
michael and lindsay are at the bluth offices. lindsay is sitting on the copy machine.
lindsay: we did it mikey, we’re super rich again! (jumps off the copier) and I’m gonna buy a car, the volvo (hands michael a piece of paper).
michael: no, lindsay, you’re not going to start spending money and…
(looking at the piece of paper lindsay handed him)
…and this is not a vol-VO.
(lindsay grabs the paper back from him and looks at it)
lindsay: oh, that’s from sitting on the copier.
September 16, 2005
not to imply disrespect, but
why do we refer to people who have died as “the late so-and-so”? wait as long as you want for these people, but they’re not late. they’re never showing up.
and while I have your attention, where the heck did “so-and-so” come from?
I know I could look these things up, but I am a very busy person.
September 15, 2005
Found
You know how when you’re looking for something, and you finally find it…in the last place you looked? well, of course that’s where it was…a person doesn’t keep looking for something once they find it. That’s just silly.
And you know how when you spend so much time looking for one certain thing, like a missing puzzle piece, the left shoe, or a CD that’s missing from its case? You know it’s around, but just can’t find it. You look and look, eventually giving up and moving on to something else, and you push that thing you once so fiercely sought after to the back of your mind for awhile.
But the best is when whatever it is you once spent so much time searching for just appears one day, out-of-the-blue. That’s when you say “aha, there you are.” You tell people you found it in the last place you would have thought to look and you make sure you keep it safe and close, never to search again.
September 14, 2005
all this time, I’ve been doing it wrong
but (e) taught me the right way :-)see for yourself, here: chisenbop
September 12, 2005
new rules (idea stolen from bill maher)
new rule #1
cashiers must hand customers loose change before bills, rather than pile coins on top of dollars. this is particularly important at drive-thru windows. if a cashier passes you coinage on top of the paper bills, you have my permission to demand that he lean out of the window to bend down and pick up your money and hand it to you properly.new rule #2
moviegoers who answer their cell phone during a film will be taken to the concession stand and dipped in hot butter flavoring or nacho cheese, or they can press their ear to the rolling thingee that cooks the hot dogs (their choice).
cashiers must hand customers loose change before bills, rather than pile coins on top of dollars. this is particularly important at drive-thru windows. if a cashier passes you coinage on top of the paper bills, you have my permission to demand that he lean out of the window to bend down and pick up your money and hand it to you properly.new rule #2
moviegoers who answer their cell phone during a film will be taken to the concession stand and dipped in hot butter flavoring or nacho cheese, or they can press their ear to the rolling thingee that cooks the hot dogs (their choice).
new rule #3
co-workers will not chit-chat in a foreign language in the restroom, particularly while each of them is in a stall on either side of me.
new rule #4
people will not leave anonymous comments on my blog. you don’t have to sign up for a user profile, just tell me your name. don’t be a chicken, tell me who you are, or I will delete your ass…ok, not your ass, but your comment.
September 8, 2005
anyone have an extra 4th toe I can have?
because look at mine.
freaky, I know. (e) thinks it looks like a carrot. it’s so puffy that when I try to put my foot flat on the floor, the 4th toe sits up higher than the rest. pretty! and I can’t walk on it, so I gimp around.
the toe isn’t the actual problem–it’s a side effect of something funky in the ball of my foot. my general practitioner thinks I have a neuroma (a benign tumor made of nerve tissue) running along the nerve between my third and fourth toes. it’s pretty common, and can be caused by running. tomorrow I’m going to the podiatrist to see if he can make it all better with just a cortisone shot, or if he’ll need to surgically remove it.
maybe I can ask the wizard of oz for a new little piggy that had none. but for now, pedicures, bootcamp, and stilettos will have to wait. I just hope I don’t have to miss my tiffany necklace opportunity at the nike women’s half marathon next month. (sniff)